Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Me and my TOMS

My pink TOMS are my courage and perseverance to win my battle with Breast Cancer. I have fought. 
I am a warrior.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Thursday, December 2, 2010

This is it! Last day of RADIATION!!!!!!!

It's finally here, my last Breast Cancer treatment. I've made it through 8 chemo treatments that took 16 weeks, and today I'm finishing 5 weeks of 5 days a week radiation therapy. Unbelievable how fast the radiation treatments went. I get to ring the bell today, and it's gonna be LOUD!!! Watch for postings of celebrating photos later today.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Plastic Surgeon is proud!

I knew it! I had a follow up appt with my Plastic Surgeon today. I've taken great care of my radiated tissue which has significantly healed and prevented sever burn trauma to the exposed area. My Plastic was quite shocked at how awesome my skin looked. I was peppered with glee like no other. The product I used that I want to brag about is Tissue Repair my Mlis. http://www.mlis.com/products/external-products/repair-tissue-repair-cream/, click it, read it, it is AMAZING!!!!! (All natural too!) 


Monday, November 29, 2010

3 days of rad to go

3 days of radiation left. Seems forever ago and yet still so new that my life forever changed. The newness of being diagnosed is fresh in my mind, the wonder of a mastectomy'd breast so curious, the anxiety of chemo, the fear of losing my hair, the unwillingnes to undergo radiation.... and it's almost the end, the end of the most severe treatment anyway. Still lies ahead a few surgeries and tight surveillance for the rest of my life. But what I will remember in my heart forever is the change in me, the willingness to accept the darkest of trials, to put a smile on my face, move forward and courageously rock my bald head. 

Breast cancer... What frightening words. They create such intense trepidation, you can't apprehend those feelings without the diagnosis personally. 

And yet, I consider my experience euphoric. That induced euphoria has everything to do with the people in my life, both personally and casually. I wouldn't change my diagnosis, I wouldn't change my medical treatments I've endured. I only wish that this has changed me for the better, God knows I needed it. 

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Winter can be so beautiful

I was the first one up this morning. It was lovely.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Breast Cancer has not destroyed me. It has made me better and brought miracles without number to my life. It's more than a pink ribbon, it's courage, perseverance, love and the willingness to take trials and let them create a new you. 
I am a Warrior Princess. I have won.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." --Marilyn Monroe, adopted by ME!

Monday, November 8, 2010

I ponder the why me question about cancer sometimes. I have no complaints and say why not me? I am grateful I have been able to share my experience. I wouldn't trade it, but I never want to do it again.

To share is a gift! To recover is a blessing!
 - Rachel Adams - 

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I've got some catching up to do!

Here are photos from my last chemo as well as photos from past chemo days.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

16 weeks, I made it!

Last of chemo today! There are no words.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Something bigger

The flood gates opened today...wow!! If you know me well, I don't show my emotions, I don't cry, or rarely I should say. But these last few weeks have softened my heart and I couldn't help but shed tears and manage to smudge my perfectly applied eyeliner on several occasions. Today was one of those occasions, powerful, spiritual even.

I had just finished a treatment on a client at school and while cleaning my supplies in the laundry room chatted with a fellow student and friend of mine. In the doorway a Cosmetology instructor shyly  and patiently glanced my way and waited to talk to me. She motioned for me to come out of the room and then officially introduced herself. Everyone at my school knows who I am, the bald cancer chic in Esthetics, but I don't know everyone in the school. "Hi Wendy, I'm Wendy, I haven't officially met you yet". She then said she wanted to share something with me. First let me preface her words with an event that she spoke to me about. On Tuesday October 12th Cameo College is hosting a spectacular yet epic hair and fashion show. It is not only a competition of creativity and talent between the Cosmo students, it is also a fundraiser. This year the monies raised will go to two breast cancer charities; Look Good Feel Better and Young Survivors Coalition. The show is a massive production held at Murray High School. With humble honor and gratitude, I am speaking to the entire audience of approx 2,000 about my experience and breast cancer journey. I will have the opportunity to be an awareness advocate and am thrilled to educate and share what I've been through.

Wendy said to me "first it is an honor to be working alongside you. I have to tell you that there is something big, something different about this show."

She held her hands high and wide as she described the magnitude of the feelings of this event, "something  big".

"This is the 6th show I've done and in all the years past it is a large production and difficult to pull together. But this year is different. Everything has fallen into place, one right after the other. I cant quite describe it. Its different, there is something bigger here. The feeling of this show is different. I feel we have the opportunity to touch the lives of many, I hope that many people come to the show."

Again she hugged me and thanked me for the opportunity to work with me, and shared how she admired me. At the end of our tender conversation, I knew that God's hands were involved, even to the very opportunity I had to talk with her and have her share such an experience. My eyes are wet with tears as I compose this post for I feel it still. I humbly walked away from that conversation deeply reflecting on her words. Bette Midler's lyrics ehoed through my heart "God is watching us, God is watching us, God is watching us....from a distance".

I felt the vast and eternal love God has for each one of us, including me. Many times throughout my life I feel unworthy to be an instrument in Gods hands to do good... if I'm not perfect,without flaws, weaknesses and sins, how can I help others? Yet through this experience with breast cancer I have had many, many experiences where I have touched someone, and here I am, just me, with flaws and weaknesses like everybody else. God is watching us, and looking out for us and blessing us, individually and collectively. Again I am humbled at the opportunity I have to be a part of that "Something bigger" that Wendy spoke of.

Truly, humbled.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

To Radiate or not to Radiate?

I have waited for this day to arrive, not that it was one I was looking forward to, but it finally came. We didn't know  if I was going to have to undergo radiation and today we met with a radiologist. When I was first diagnosed my surgeon and first oncologist told us chemo would be necessary but no radiation. When I transfered my care to Huntsmans Cancer Institute, we told my oncologist that we were under the impression that radiation wasn't necessary, he wasn't so sure he agreed with that.

We met with Dr. Kokeny, Radiologist, this morning and discussed the need for radiation. After meeting with her we decided it would be necessary and in my best health care interest to take all medical precautions to treat my cancer so that it won't come back. Approximately 2 weeks after my last chemo treatment (3 left BTW), I will start radiation...6 weeks, 5 days a week. We anticipate increased fatigued with skin trauma anywhere from sunburned skin to pigmentation. Mid December I should be done with radiation. 2-3 months after radiation is complete I will finally be able to start my breast reconstruction - hallelujah

I just cant wait to get this wicked expander out of my chest! 

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Being bald....not so bad

Ok, really, I so don't like being bald. At first I just wanted to hide inside the hats or the wigs. I even wanted to bag up my closet of clothes and rid myself of the feeling of not being attractive. I admit, I have a hard time getting dressed, looking in the mirror and being satisfied with my reflection. Shallow, maybe. But its real. All I see is shiny and naked cranium, it just screams CHEMO GIRL. "You look so beautiful", "you have an amazing shaped head", "no one can rock it like you"...comments from well meaning friends and I'm sure they mean it. It's just so darn hard. But I've had some amazing experiences with this Demi Moore/GI Jane look. Strangers sharing their heart and feelings with me right down to very tears. Somehow my chemo head and the very appearance of what I'm going through has inspired others, who knew. 

While shopping at Sephora, the sales girl helped Jen and I with the plethora of colorful and shiny things that makes all girls giddy...lipgloss, shadow, blush, and more lipgloss , (like a girl needs help in the most beautiful cosmetic store ever...chic heaven). She helped us, I shared my story and we were left to browse...alone...with all that sparkle!!! Later on our visit the sales girl came back to find me, tears in her eyes, she said "this is probably weird but I just have to tell you that you have been an inspiration to me. My sister had a miscarriage today and seeing you has touched me and you have just been and inspiration". I hugged her and told her to tell her sister I loved her. It was hard to hear that I was an inspiration, I didn't do anything special, I am just a bald me. It was that day that I realized that had I worn my wig, this tender experience never would have happened. I learned to take on my trials and bare it all. "It takes courage to go bald" as one breast cancer survivor told me who stopped me at the Swiss Days Festival this past weekend. She admitted she couldn't do it.  At that moment, I did sense a feel of courage & bravery. Maybe more BC women will have courage to rock it bald and bring inspiration to others. 

My journey is an ugly battle at times, but.....I would never trade it.

Monday, August 30, 2010

The gift of the Butterfly Ball

The Butterfly Ball went amazingly well. I feel I did a good job speaking. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be. I spoke from my heart sharing how my medical treatment changed and gave thanks to those who contributed financially to make Image Reborn retreats possible as well as the medical professionals who made the time available to the women at the retreats.

A few surprises were in store that evening. They asked me to release a box of live butterflies that were dedicated to women who battle cancer. What an honor to be a part of such a sweet and tender moment. How beautiful it was to watch the butterflies dance into the sunset. Later that evening I was given a surprise DVD from a charming guy who worked at Stein Eriksens Lodge who captured on film the release of the butterflies and the sunset that captivated us all. His mother too is battling breast cancer. I hugged him tight with thanks in my heart as well as shared my love to him and his mother. 

A live auction was held after dinner and one of the items was a beautiful black mink and rabbit coat. Again I was surprised and thrilled to be asked to draw the winning number. The crowd cheered in celebration of the win #122! But the applause became more tender as #122 gave me the fur coat. Me? I couldn't believe it. I hugged him tight and with a kiss on his check gave thanks to this kind man. Later he approached me and told me to wear it and think of his wife Gail who passed 3 years ago from breast cancer. What an honor. How humbled. That evening I truly felt like Cinderella, the girl who has much fault and weakness, appeared in the heart of a trial and was honored and loved by everyone in that room. 

Truly I was 

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Butterfly Ball

Im only a few hours away from my very first public speaking engagement...church doesn't count BTW. I have been invited to speak at the Image Reborn fundraiser held at Stein Eriksen Lodge, Deer Valley, UT. I will share what it meant to me to attend the Image Reborn Retreat and make connections with other young women fighting this disease as well as the medical connections I made and how it changed my cancer treatment.

Am I nervous? Just about. But mostly I am so humbled for this opportunity to share my story and publicly express my thanks to the hands and hearts of the generous donors who provided an amzaing start for me and my life with cancer.

If you are reading this, please pray for me that I may not fumble and that I may touch the lives of the anyone in hear shot, for that will truly be a gift back to others. 

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Last day with Dr.Evil and half way there

Today was my last day with the A/C chemo combo, also known as the red devil because one of the chemo drugs is red and mean. 4 more chemo treatments to go starting Sept 7th.  Don't feel so well right now, go figure. We're doing a brain MRI on Wednesday because I've been having constant headaches, just ruling anything out - better be safe than oh so sorry. My cute lil mom was there again to support and hang out with me and I love it. I love you my mommy!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

August 4, 2010

A visit to Disneyland always makes me happy!

July 24th 2010

Redefining HOPE

Whenever my head hits the pillow at the end of my day, my thoughts are a whirlwind pattern of constant images of cancer, feelings about it, the dread of chemo, imagining the outcome of my surgeries, the not knowing of everything. That word HOPE that saunters alongside every breast cancer ribbon and slogan disturbs me instead of comforting me when I'm feeling such things. I'm anxious about it. I'm supposed to find comfort in this word HOPE when I'm feeling scared, intimidated or alone about having cancer and yet I find it to be quite the opposite. HOPE: 'the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best'. I'm unsettled. HOPE is not enough for me. Believe and Faith and Live are words I replace hope with. There is a sense of personal action when I believe and have faith and above all LIVE. Hope is a word that floats like a feather and you 'hope' it lands in your hand. That's not good enough for me. I won't 'hope' along side breast cancer, I will LIVE alongside it and battle and overcome. 

Monday, August 9, 2010

Get Pinked! in New Zealand

Shannen and Traci get creative and get pinked for a dance peformance all the way from New Zealand. Shannen dedicated her hip hop dance to me and my fight for breast cancer. She rocked it hard and won 1st place! I'm so proud of you Shannen girl and thank you for the honor sweetheart! Love and Kisses!
- 'Aunt' Wendy

Wear your support....I love boobies (keep a breast)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Celebrated 17 year anniversary at the Newport Beach harbor tonight dining in style at the Rusty Pelican, Happy Anniversary babe, I love you!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I had the BEST day EVER! I love Disneyland, expecially with my boys. Pirates (ahh, the smell of musty waters), the Hunted Mansion, Splash Mountain, Peter Pan, Autopia, Buzz Light Year and Dole Pineapple Fruit Whip!! Really? is there any other place that can bring smiles and laughter faster or touch the heart so tender?

PS Took me all day to find a fellow bald girl, and at last, I wasn't alone. I wish and pray for her as well for a long life and the battle she is fighting.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Huntington Beach ROCKS!!!

We ran away to sunny southern California, Huntington Beach to be most specific. Had to put cancer on timeout and just leave it behind. We went to the HB US Hurley surf competition and it was a perfect day of sun, sand and surf. I found myself sporting a GI hat, bedazzled of course, to protect the bald head.

So far nausea and just a touch of fatigue have followed me here. I am doing much better today which is awesome. Tomorrow...its a grand day with a visit to Disneyland...my favorite California place to be.

I miss it here.

Monday, August 2, 2010

I'm really having a hard time with this bald thing. Its ugly. I hate it. 6 months before it starts to grow back. Bummer.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Rock'n cute sisters! Me, Misty & Tiffany

When Misty was here from Cali, the 3 of us got together for awesome Salt City Burgers and all out chic fun. Funny thing is,  our birth order, Im oldest, Misty's in the middle and Tiff is at the end. Bummer thing is we were missing 3 sisters!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

its chemo day ....look for random silly thoughts as I'm certain the boardom of being tethered to that poison machine, aka i.v. chemo drip, will make me go bazurk.....

Monday, July 26, 2010

My hair is coming out in handfuls. What's with that? Its not day 14 yet.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Got Pinked!

Last night was a rock'n pinked time! Dans family had a Get Pinked! summer party along with a goodbye to Mike who's moving to Atlanta.(I love you Mikey) The entire family came pinked out. We polished fingers pink, striped hair pink, blinged hair pink, shaved heads and mohawked pink and even glitter tattooed pink. I lost my breath just pulling up to Grandmas house at the site of the parking lot parked on her street. Everyone was supporting me in my journey through cancer. WOW! Being loved so much and supported so much is extremely humbling. So many of the guys shaved their heads to support my up and coming hair loss, which started yesterday ironically. And those who didn't quite have the ganas to Bic at least striped their hair pink. Ron was quite the supporter with a breast cancer ribbon shaved into his hair which was be dazzled with pink glitter I might ad. And Sam...crazy guy....he bling pinked his goatee. And Kim even got pinked all the way from California while she was at Disneyland. My boys were so brave to support me too.Keep following so you can see all the fun pictures I'm posting. 

Thursday, July 22, 2010

A Had a funtastic evening with my girls at a party. It was so good to laugh and play & eat amazing food, oh and watch JillE perform back flips on the tramp!. Life is wonderful! I love you Jill, May, Heidi, & Britt!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Chemo effects

My scalp has been itching me lately, I think the chemo is starting to take scalp effect. Wore a wig to school for the first time today, everyone fibbed and said it was cute. HaHa, thank goodness for loving friends with a good sense of humor

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Feeling better

By this evening, I was feeling quite a bit better which accommodated a therapy session at the nearby Frogurt with the girls-  indeed the best ever; for nothing can take the place of girl tattle. Only the "leather" mini sofas hold the secrets of a girls heart. Many moments of laughs and plain old dirt bag ranting and raving have fallen into the crevices of that furniture...sure hope the stitching holds up, to unloose the threads that holds all secrets would be the next best selling Harpo book club novel....

then again, I could be rich

Here's a place to write your own story by the craft of the pen

Leather Writing Journal with Strap closure

Monday, July 19, 2010

........that pretty much sums up my day

Friday, July 16, 2010

Sitting here in a walgreens parking lot overlooking the valley. Should I share or keep this to myself? But I want to be real too. I'm completely nauseated from the chemo, feel wicked sick. The spouse and I had a moment, so I needed to seclude myself and drove to this crazy look out spot. I am usually quite brave and confident. But the thoughts of not living to be 60 are pulling my heart down. I know, I know so many people kick this. Life is full of uncertainties, I'm obviously living one now and its an ugly one. I'm scared and yet there should be no place for fear for that is truly how we loose any battle. Why me? Than again, why not me? I'm a young mom, a wife, daughter, friend. I hate this trial at this very moment. I want it gone. I don't want to go through this or experience this. Perhaps Jesus felt this way? I'd imagine he didn't want to go through or experience the Gethsemane or the crucifixion. He knew of the greater purpose of those sufferings however, for without that experience we could never be understood in our own pain and sufferings. I may have opportunity to related to others now in a way could have not. Empathy vs. sympathy.

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did

Embracing my journey via Diva Fashonista

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Out of the mouth of babes....
"If you feel sick, I'm gonna eat soap so i feel sick too so i can be like you"
 ... Kaden Brimley, age 6
I feel horrible, sick to my stomach EXTREMELY nauseated, have a headache. Stupid chemo.
G I'm t i r e d! All I did was sit in a chair and got pumped full of fluids and I'm wipe out. Can't wait to snuggle down in my sheets and sleep. On my way home now....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monday, July 12, 2010

New chance at life

8:00 tomorrow morning is the beginning of a new chance at life. I start the first of 8 chemo treatments. Chemo days are called infusion days.  

So What exactly does chemo do? It works by killing fast-growing cancer cells. Unfortunately, chemo can’t tell the difference between cancer cells and fast-growing healthy cells, including red and white blood cells. As a result, one of the most serious potential side effects of some types of chemotherapy is a low white blood cell count. Fortunately I will be receiving an injection the following day after chemo (referred to as my injection day) with a drug called Neulasta. Neulasta is a colony stimulating factor. It is a man-made form of a protein (amino acid) that stimulates the bone marrow and promotes the growth of white blood cells called neutrophils in your body. White blood cells help your body fight against infection. Because white blood cells are compromised, I need that boost so that I can receive another round of chemo. wow! I'm way to knowledgeable on this cancer stuff for sure. 

On to Huntsman's Cancer Institute I go. 

Wigging Out!

My sister Misty came from California to cheer me up this week. Shopping for a "cranial prosthetic" turned out to be angry fun - didn't really want a wig but bald is so not my thing. We seriously had so much fun and laughed for forever. I loved having her here to support me, love me and encourage no fear. 
- thank you Mike for sending my sister! xo

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Last night was yucky... Walked into a wig shop, and could have sworn the age limit sign said age 60 plus...all sorts of grey short haired wigs adorned the walls of the shop. I did see long wigs and it stung my heart to face reality, I have cancer and the only reason I'm here is because I'm going to be bald. Cry. That's what I wanted to do. I hated that I was there. My attitude all along has been pretty positive. Pink extensions in my hair, & "I love boobies" bracelets have lightened my mood especially for those around me but sometimes, this just sucks. But I don't marinate in this gak of a trial, I put on my happy face and let it all go. Truly I love where I am in life. God is on my side along with family, friends and all who only know me through those I love who have shared my story. Everyday I witness a miracle in my life. A door opens, a stepping stone is placed at the very foot of my step.

God IS holding my hand

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

My yard Gets Pinked!

My darling mother gathered my siblings and family and Pinked! my yard with all kinds of pink flowers. I am touched by the enormous love showered upon me. Seems unfair that the combination of letters from the English language cannot emanate nor capture how I feel in my heart as I am touched yet again at the angels in my life...and what's more humbling...I really don't deserve this, I'm just normal, like everybody else, I'm just me. 

Everyone, thank you so much, i love you....XO

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Get Pinked!? Hey everyone, I need your get pinked pix. Need ideas? pink your hair, pink a flower pot in your yard, pink your tree, fence or railing with pink ribbons, pink an outfit, pink a dinner with pink paper plates, cups, napkins, jello, soda, cupcakes etc, pink your pet, chew pink bubblegum and take a pix, get creative and show me what you got!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Finally, I have a treatment plan

Friday 7/3 I spent 4.5 hours at Huntsman Cancer Institute. Again, by way of miracles and angels, I landed in the hands of Dr.Ward, MD Oncologist (psst! he's Chief of Oncology at HCI-  lucky me!). I met my team of medical caregivers and was entirely impressed.  A blood draw, chest x-ray, & tour of the chemo"suite" were part of my adventures at HCI. At the end of the day I felt completely assured I am in the right place and in the hands of gifted men and women who are blessed in the field of medicine. I will undergo 4 rounds of "A/C"* chemo every two weeks and then 4 rounds of "T"* every two weeks for a total of 8 chemo treatments. There is question of Radiation because my sentinel lymph node was full of cancer. My cancer will be presented to the breast cancer tumor board next Thursday morning where a team of a professionals including oncologists, surgeons, radiologists, nurses etc will review and decide if radiation would be necessary. (please pray its NO).

My calendar looks like this.....

7/6 Tues: First day back to school**
7/9 Friday: Echocardiogram
7/13 Tues: First infusion day
7/14 Wed: Injection day
7/27 Tues: Expecting the start of hair loss
as well as 2nd round of chemo
7/28 Wed: Injection day

*Chemotherapy Drugs

**For those of you that don't know I am going to school to become a Masters Esthetician, I'll share more later. Had to take a LOA for obvious reasons

Friday, July 2, 2010

Be your own advocate....YOU

ou know that feeling...the one that just doesn't sit well. Anxious. Gnawing. Unsettled. Something just not quite right. I met with an oncologist a week ago, wasn't the experience I expected to have, especially when the outcome of my very life was in the hands of a medical oncologist. Immediately after his treatment plan was explained, I felt it, just didn't feel quite right. I doubted and I even messed around with denial and thought "maybe I don't have cancer. Maybe I don't have to have chemo. Maybe its all wrong. Really? I have cancer?". Through the gift of being able to attend the Image Reborn cancer retreat, I not only was encouraged by the voice of the young women like myself who were fighting this ugly thing to be my own advocate and get multiple opinions if necessary but I was privileged to have met an oncology nurse from Huntsmans who stepped in and opened a door of alternate possibilities. At 2:00 today I get that second opinion. Feeling anxious as I did when waiting to hear the results of my pathology report after the surgical biopsy. I hate that feeling. 

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Angels. Some are our friends. Some are our family. Some are nurses, some doctors. Some we can't see but know they surround us. Angels have been all around me today. My yard was weeded by the hands of friends. My house is being cleaned at the hands of family. I love my life. I hand my life to God so I too may be an Angel.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Me and my new breast cancer peeps

Nothing happens by accident
Everything happens for a reason
I finally met and joined hearts and hands with 10 amazing Young Breast Cancer Survivors. I learned so much about this ugly world of cancer and so much about blessings given in the same hand as a trial. 
I love the women I met and the women behind the Image Reborn foundation. 
Thank you, thank you.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

At the hand and heart of Spring Mobile and all the persons out there who contributed the monetary donations to fund organizations to support and pamper breast cancer patients I am in Park City UT being uplifted, encouraged, loved and finding life time friends who have walked my journey. With all the gratitude and love in my heart, thank you Image Reborn, Donna, Shelia and Spring Mobile for this gift! With love, Wendy

Friday, June 25, 2010

Supporting our mom

Ashton and Kaden wanted a buzz cut because they knew I was going to loose my hair. Kaden was heart broken at first, and with the saddest face  said "Mom, is my hair going to grow back before school starts?" I took him in my arms and hugged ever so tight as I assure him it would indeed grow back. I reminded him that he was doing this for me. He smiled a big smile and I could feel his personality liven. 

Ashton & Kaden, I love you to the back and moon! 

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Tammy Get's Pinked!

I SO love this pic!
See what fun getting Pinked! can be
I am the first one up today. I'm under my covers texting this to my blog. I'm freezing so I slipped on my blue hospital socks, added black yoga pants and my Roxy hoody and topped off my savvy fashion with a pink custom hand made beanie - you'd think it was mid winter in my house! I've been laying here with thoughts of cancer traipsing through my head. Can't decide what's more ugly, the cancer itself, having my breast cut off or loosing my hair. Then I think "Really? For Real? I have cancer? Such a mean word. Why? How come? There are SO many solutions to kill it but NONE to prevent it?? Why, why, why?? I can't make sense of it. I'm the kinda girl that always asked why, my mom can so attest to that. "Wendy, don't eat that before dinner", why? "Wendy, get down from the rafters, well why? Wendy don't touch that hot pot", "why?", "Wendy stop hitting your sister", "why?" "because I said so doesn't work for me

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Went to oncologist today and a chemo class, on my way to plastic surgeons for saline injection. Start chemo July 9th. Hair should fall out July 27th. I'm hurting, its my own fault, I haven't taken any meds yet today

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Tomorrow is the BIG day

Tomorrow I meet my life long cancer activist & advocate also called my oncologist. He will lay out the prognosis for kicking this cancer. I'll also learn about how much I am going to cost Dan and our new insurance company. Speaking of costs, I about fainted when I received my first love letter from the hospital billing department, it goes something like this...

Removal of a perfectly augmented right breast thus far: $21,024.04

(Original Breast Augmentation: $5,000)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Cori was my first peep to enter her photo for my Get Pinked! contest. She's one hot fashionista! 

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Well I had drain #1 removed Thursday and there was issued to me a word of caution because my body may not absorb the fluid the drain was collecting. My body did exactly that. A pool of fluid has collected above my expander and created a bumpy bulge that looks rather deformed. Called Dr. S yesterday and I need to go in tomorrow to have it aspirated. I'm hearing that is another procedure that will test the limits of my pain tolerance. So far, no colorful words have passed my lips - well, not in the DR's office anyway. :)
Happy Fathers Day to all the daddy's who mean the world to their little girls- especially my daddy!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

So I went clothes shopping with my friend Cheryl and had a moment of confusion. For the longest time I could not figure out why when I tried on accessories, my long chain necklaces would dangle to the right, kinda like leaning to the right is more accurate. Then I had an 'ah-ha' moment... I had no right boob to properly guide the sparkly chain in an even manner down the front of my bosom. What's a uni-boob girl to do.... I know... Either wear short chain necklaces or get a new boob.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Get Pinked! Contest

This is a SHOUT OUT to Everyone!! I'm extending a Get Pinked! contest. Have you got what it takes to Live in Pink? Be bold....Be brave...Be courageous...Be daring...Be supportive...email me pictures at aclevergirl@msn.com of something you've done to Get Pinked! and I'll publish you on my blog! Have fun!

With Love, From Berta

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself." 
— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)
Totally excited here, drain #2 was removed (which hurts pretty damn bad) and we injected 60cc's of saline into the expander- sweet!
I'm so running out of patience. My appt to have the last drain tube removed was for 5:30. I've been waiting 50 min for the DR to show up, ugh

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

"Trust God, and believe in good things to come".
Jeffrey R. Holland

On a date with Shauna...

Thank goodness for girlfriends. Shauna took a 1 hour trip to come see me today...all the way from Heber. We go 'way' back to when the twins were about 3 maybe? One day I was at the library struggling to find books for the boys and Shauna saw from the distance the ruckus we were making. She knew exactly how I was feeling for she too had a set of twin boys the exact same age as Bren & Brod! We swapped #'s and have been friends ever since. A lunch date to Zupas with some gooey girl talk was the thing I was needing. 
Thank you Shauna, I love you!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Not too sure I'm that hot on the free wig I got today. 
No snickering now.

Oh and as promised, here is a pix of the 
Making some progress... I parted with one of my drains today. Have to wait till Thursday evening to get the other one out. On my way to the hospital right now for the cancer patients "Look Good" class. Learn how to use make-up for chemo skin and receive a make-up kit. Wig wardrobe... Try on wigs for the anticipated day when my hair has disappeared.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

So how did I find it?

How I got to where I am now... Early May I discovered a bumpy lump in my right breast. I googled what a cancerous lump might feel like... hard, like a rock and bumpy yet immovable. That's what mine felt like but I was not alarmed for many many lumps described on the internet were described as such were normal and or benign.

Pain pain go away

Alright already. I get it. My body is trying to communicate that it needs more recovery time. Being honest here, I hurt. Most of the time I'm hurting. And why really? All I had done was lob off my boob, stick an expander under my muscle and have 19 lymph nodes remove. Its not like I had brain surgery. I honestly cannot believe how long this is taking to recover. I took my first shower this morning and I'll show you the clever drain tube holder I made so I could do it. The cascade of warm water rushing down my body head to toe never felt more rewarding! Now shaving my numb armpit however didn't feel so good. Its like leaving the dentist all numbed up on novacaine and trying to put lipstick on your rubber lips.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Getting Pinked!

2 days before my mastectomy my baby sister and I got wild and had pink extensions put in our hair.

Friday, June 11, 2010

The Living Garden

My living room has turned into an FTD floral shop. I love being surrounded by the vibrant smell and colors of all things pretty. Each bud, bloom or bouquet has a silent message of love from the heart of the one who gave it.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Feeling like daisy cow with extra udders

Here are pix of the drains. Every morning I have to call in the fluid collected in the past 24 hrs. I was so hoping today was the day to have these things taken out, but Patty said "not yet, call in tomorrow". Ugh. they so don't feel great and tube #1 likes to leak down my side making a mess of my clothing. Wardrobe changes...GEESH!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Medical Update

Pathology: Hormone Receptor
Hormone Receptor came back. The cancer is being fueled by progesterone and estrogen. I'm being told that's a good thing because in addition to chemo I can be treated with hormones. Now really, do I want my hormones messed with??


Wow! Today was my first day of wow. I'm down. Not happy about any of this. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of meds. I'm tired of not being 100% Wendy. I'm tired of being tired.
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