Sitting here in a walgreens parking lot overlooking the valley. Should I share or keep this to myself? But I want to be real too. I'm completely nauseated from the chemo, feel wicked sick. The spouse and I had a moment, so I needed to seclude myself and drove to this crazy look out spot. I am usually quite brave and confident. But the thoughts of not living to be 60 are pulling my heart down. I know, I know so many people kick this. Life is full of uncertainties, I'm obviously living one now and its an ugly one. I'm scared and yet there should be no place for fear for that is truly how we loose any battle. Why me? Than again, why not me? I'm a young mom, a wife, daughter, friend. I hate this trial at this very moment. I want it gone. I don't want to go through this or experience this. Perhaps Jesus felt this way? I'd imagine he didn't want to go through or experience the Gethsemane or the crucifixion. He knew of the greater purpose of those sufferings however, for without that experience we could never be understood in our own pain and sufferings. I may have opportunity to related to others now in a way could have not. Empathy vs. sympathy.
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did